Letter 10 PART 3

So, I know you’re probably wondering (not really) whether or not I took your advice regarding the infamous “Letter 10” and its sequel. Well, I did for a couple weeks after you posted your advice. And, it worked well. And then, she hit me up randomly saying, in so many words, that she needed some dick in her life. So, for about a week or so, we sexted and all that fun shit. You’re probably thinking that this was going the same way as usual, because I was too. Then, she came up to my place and proceeded to fuck and get fucked.
That’s not where it gets bad.
This girl, ever since I stuck my dick inside her, she’s been on me–telling me all about her ex boyfriends and how they fucked her over, how she doesn’t usually tell people this, telling me how much she needs more of me, etc. I’m like “ok, I pursued this chick for months, decided to give up, she fucked me, and now, I’m kind of not really feeling it.” Does that make me an asshole? Or is that a normal response about “the chase” and once you get it, if it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be (the sex was awesome), you look for ways out?

Response

I feel like since you send me all these letters and I don’t know who you are, I should name you. Billy? No, he’s the greatest warrior ever (yes, that was an Adventure Time joke). Charlie? No, too vintage youtube. What to call you… I got it. I’ll call you Stevie. It’s settled.

Number fucking one, if this chick says she wants the dick, why the fuck did you sext her and not… you know… Give her the dick? Come on Stevie. Hand claps for actually giving it to her eventually but damn. Why were you sexting first?

Stevie, these letters you been sending me make me think you’re afraid of fucking and would rather sit around the house and sniff paint. If my girl hit me up saying she needs some dick, I say I am on THE way. But I digress.

You hit the nail on head Stevie. You liked the chase. It excited you. It made you write 3 letters to me. You LOVE the chase. The thing is, so does she. What happened when you quit chasing her? This jonesing ass bitch hits you up to get her fix. You got yourself an attention whore. She’s now telling you all this noise about herself that she could have told you months back. She wants you to chase her. She wants some Stevie chase in her life.

Long story short, no you shouldn’t feel bad. You wanted skins. She wanted you to chase her endlessly. If you two are going to do that dance, she shouldn’t have given you ass and you should stop paying attention to her. So bounce out Stevie.

But let’s be honest, you’ll probably write me another letter about it… Whatever it takes for you to stop sniffing paint.

Drizzle out

Letter 31 “<3 Strippers"

Dear Drizzle,
I am a real American (cue the Hulk Hogan music). So, every now and again, I enjoy going to the strip club. Y’know, throw some dubs in the club and shit. The past couple times, I’ve ended up hating myself afterwards. No, I didn’t get suckered into giving up little Billy’s college fund to Diamond, but I found myself leaving with strippers’ phone numbers.
And the worst part of it is this: they’re the ones that come on to me, believe it or not. I know I’m wrong for taking their numbers if I want to avoid strippers becoming attached to me and everything, but how can I stop them from becoming attached to me?! One even “claimed” me–meaning that if I ever went back to this club in question, I would be all but forced to partake with her, and no one else, or else she’d go batshit crazy and probably force herself on me in an attempt to get herself pregnant from a Champagne Room dance or something.
Help me avoid becoming some stripper’s savior!!!

Response
Ok. Strip clubs and strippers… And them falling in love with you. That’s some real ‘Merrrkan shit right there.

(Kicks the stereo playing Hulk Hogan music off the table)

Are you serious dude? You think them strippers are into you? You think that them giving you their numbers means shit? Fuck, if they give you ass, do you think that will mean shit? And you really think they want you to pull them up from stripping?

I don’t even fucking like strip clubs. Why would I pay for blue balls when I can get laid for free? It doesn’t make any damn sense to me either. But to each his own.

Let me give you some facts. And these might make you scratch your head or maybe even hurt your feelings. The average stripper isn’t ashamed of what she does and isn’t trying to uplift herself from the profession. The very real truth is that your average stripper is probably pulling in 50k a year from just tips. And that’s before she starts turning tricks. If she sells her pussy she could rack in at least 70k. Makes you want to switch professions, don’t it?

So all this love and shit that these nightwalkers are showing you is all part of the fucking job. It puts more money in their pockets.

“But Drizzle, I trust your infinate wisdom and worship your body made of solidified awesome, but please explain how showing me love increases their revenues.” At least that’s what I imagine you’re saying to yourself right now. Essentially, strippers are vendors. They sell blue balls. If you have a personal relationship to a vender of any kind, you as a consumer are more inclined to go to that vendor more often and ultimately spend more money.

Strippers know this. So them building a “connection” to you is all business. Don’t think for a second that it isn’t. They want you to come in and see your “friend” and throw more money their way because you two are “homies” now.

Now remember, this is just your average everyday stripper. There are exceptions. A smart stripper who’s getting her pay and isn’t ashamed of what she does and wants you to get her pregnant less than you do. If they start carrying child that puts them out of the game for 9+ months. I’ll let you do the math on that but it’s a serious dent in the paycheck. But the exceptions are bad for your health. The fact of the matter is there WILL be girls who scam. But you know all of this already. So I won’t go into all that.

Now that we’re through my dissertation, we can get to the point: the strippers aren’t falling for you. Your ass is falling for them. I suggest that you stop going to strip club for awhile and watch porn. That way you can rub out your jollies for free. Just don’t get any on the keyboard.

At the end of the day, think of the strip club as an art gallery. It’s best if you keep your hands off the paintings and definately don’t take the painting home to your momma.

-Drizzle out

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